So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize