Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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