Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
