i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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