id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
