i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
