My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
