Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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