I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
