i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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