seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
