she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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