Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
