i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
