yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
