you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
wanna go halves on a baby?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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