i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
