giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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