do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
