We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
