i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
