No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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