I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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