Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
