I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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