People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
