We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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