It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
