it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
