haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
