i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love having hate sex.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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