I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
