can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
