apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
