No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
