If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
