one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
