I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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