He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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