Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
