I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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