So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
