i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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