Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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