my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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