Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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