She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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