your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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