and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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