You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
