I saw his package. It spoke to me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
