If i come over, it means nothing
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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