You can't special order awesome
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize