My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
