did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
