it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
