I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
