Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
