Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
