she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize