Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
