Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
