Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
