I swear god or herbie drove my car home
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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