my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize