Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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