Soap is not a condiment
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
