I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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