The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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