normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
