I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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