Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
