I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
