That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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