Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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